What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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