dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
