haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
