Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
