You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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