OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
the condom got lost in my hair
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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