Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
