So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
