just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
