i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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