***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
