I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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