Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize