I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
