Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
