Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
