All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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