did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
