HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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