JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
