It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
