Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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