I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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