One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
you will always have a special place in my vag
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
