She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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