I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize