There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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