and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
