Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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