Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
