So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
