Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Dicks are not precious.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
