i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
