God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
