Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
We need to rekindle our bromance
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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