I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
