Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
