i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
