'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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