If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
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