I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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