last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
