I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
