You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize