My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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