have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
If I had your ass I would rule the world
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
