just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
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