went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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