he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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