i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
