Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
