I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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