she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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