Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
