I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize