I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
