I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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