garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I am available for nakedness
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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