We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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