Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Randomize
