I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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