someone threw a dead crab at me
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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