I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize