..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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