It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
