You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize