Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
