My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Randomize
