If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
